Hit Like A Girl-Olive Branch Extended

“I’ll give you one last chance to be a Yankees fan again.”

My dad extended this enticing offer at some point last week when the Yankees were beating the Angels. Again. And A-Rod hadn’t yet been told it was the post-season. And CC Sabathia seemed to be throwing rocket launchers across the plate.

For a second, I considered the offer. My father would accept me back into the family, I wouldn’t have to change my last name, and he might stop buying me New York sports paraphernalia in an attempt to get me to root for the “right teams” again. Despite the fact that I lovingly told him to screw off (I’m sweet like that) and declined, I can’t help but acknowledge how dominant the Yankees have been this post season. And now, after writing that sentence, my father loves me again. And Matty hates me. If I’m not here next week, it’s because your favorite Phillies fan has kindly asked that I never come back to this site.

However, there are three reasons it’s unlikely I’ll be rooting for the Yankees again.

1.I live in Boston.

During my freshman year in college my friend Kate and I were riding home from Boston on the T. After a Red Sox game. As we rode peacefully on the hot, crowded Green Line, Kate said, “I should tell them all you’re a Yankees fan.” I know what they do to those people. Unlike you, Dad, there is a serious threat to my wellbeing as a 5’5”, petite, blonde woman. You know karate, but I am helpless to defend myself! Perhaps if you had taught me some badass karate moves, I wouldn’t have been scared into being a Red Sox fan in the first place.

2.The Red Sox are more fun (for masochists) to watch.

After initially beginning to watch the Red Sox as a result of feeling threatened, I actually discovered that Boston fans and I have a lot in common. We love to suffer. Seriously, life can’t be too good. Something will always go wrong. That’s how I like to live my life, that’s how Red Sox fans live their lives. We are like peas in a pod. Plus, winning all the time gives me less to complain about. You know me, Dad. If I’m not complaining, I’m probably not alive.

3.Dustin Pedroia, Tim Wakefield, Josh Beckett, Mike Lowell…

The list goes on. The point is, they trump Jeter, A-Rod, Texiera, and Posada any day. Why? Well, in the end pinstripes just aren’t that flattering.

Sorry dad, but I’ll take the Green Monster over a home-run enhancing right field any day. Plus, I have a hunch that if the Yankees win the series this year, I will get another “last chance to be a Yankees fan!”

Samantha Lewis is the author of "Hit Like a Girl". She is the Creative Director of Northshore Editorial in Salem, MA and can be followed on Twitter