Hit Like A Girl-Chest Bumps

Wednesday night, I got the rare opportunity to go to a Bruins game. Despite malicious accusations that I wasn’t excited enough, I was quietly peeing my pants. All I’m saying is that it’s hard to get excitable when you’ve got student loan letters coming in demanding payment (please send me money).

But that is neither here nor there. The B’s are currently on a streak, and DAMN does it feel good. I don’t need to tell you who scored goals during Wednesday night’s almost shutout (damn you, Thomas), but I DO need to mention that the three B’s that scored are the three whose photos are hanging in my cubicle at work. If that’s not a sign that we should move to Utah and get married then I don’t know what is.

Wednesday night at the Garden, the building was vibrating! And as my significant other so eloquently put it,“Kessel was NUTS for leaving Boston! Get it? Because he doesn’t have both his balls.” With Savard being signed to a $28 million, 7 year deal, and Sturm showing signs of breaking his sub-par start to the season, Kessel can take his 36 goals, and each hockey puck that goes with them, and shove them up his ass. First, he looks like a troll. You know, the ones with the little jewels in their belly buttons. He was messing up the looks department for the rest of the team. Second, if the B’s keep playing with this kind of fire and passion we can definitely beat some good teams. Probably not the great teams, let’s not get too excited, but definitely the good teams.

Last night’s game was actually fun. While the chance of losing in a shootout makes some hockey fans’ heads explode with glee and anticipation, it makes my head feel like that Panthers goalie’s must have. As you can imagine, having a 4-0 lead for most of the game made me feel pretty good. I got to sit back, stuff my face, and enjoy the game. The glorious, beautiful game wherein I was able to continuously jump out of my seat and scream “WOO!” Need I recap?

•Sturm scored two goals
•Savard scored a goal
•Bergeron scored a goal
•Tim Thomas gave new meaning to the word “limber” with his gymnast-esque backbend
•Sturm and Rask chest bumped
•Recci was the king of assists
•Sturm and Rask CHEST BUMPED!
•Chara is a monster who will eat your children

That’s really all you need to know. And I’m not kidding about that last one. I mean, he’s got a great body and all (see: Sports Illustrated Body Issue) but he looks a modified, hockey player version of Frankenstein’s monster. What would that look like, you ask? Zdeno Chara.

Perhaps one of my favorite things coming out of this win is all the spectacularly cheesy headlines. To list a couple of my favorites:

•NESN: Marco Sturm Strikes Twice as Bruins Ground Lightning
•Boston.com: Bruins Bolt Past Lightning

The headlines have been as awesome as the Sturm/Rask chest bump. Fortunately, so have the Bruins with their 6-7 game streak. Now if they beat the Habs Friday night, expect to hear a strange screech of joy in the Boston area. That is, if I’m not busy trying to break into the locker room.

Samantha Lewis is the Creative Director for Northshore Editorial and can be found on Twitter right here. Sometimes, she evens uses it.